I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
