you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
