Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
