Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
God I need to hump something, right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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