Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
