Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sober January is a disaster.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
