Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
