You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
