omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
