Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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