i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ugly people sure do ruin things
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
