I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
