She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
