it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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