i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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