I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
