There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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