Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
