I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
love makes seman taste better
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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