You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
