Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
