I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize