We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize