My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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