I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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