I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
