Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
