You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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