drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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