Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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