please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
