Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
