I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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