dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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