Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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