my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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