I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
