Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
