I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
