By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
