how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
