I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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