my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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