So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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