his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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