now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
