I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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