oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So many bounce houses so little time
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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