...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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