I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
