He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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