dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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