Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
