I need help removing her.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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