For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
