put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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