can we get nightvision for the apartment?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
