My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
