It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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