I just saw a hot homeless man
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
