So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
