i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
