Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fuck appropriateness.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
