so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
