So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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