I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
