you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
