the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
