just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We had sex on a dog bed..
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
