im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
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I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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