Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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